There are times when we all feel we have failed either because we have let someone down, not passed a test or reached a goal. When this happens it is easy to get to the point where we criticise and belittle ourselves.
‘I am so stupid’, ‘How could I have missed that? and ‘Grr’ are all common responses to the shame and frustration that failure can induce in us. For some of us this self-talk is a constant and very present part of our lives. That internal voice that uses our failure to reinforce the self-belief that we are not good enough.
For a few, this will even lead to us not trying, or self-sabotaging,
maintaining the status quo that we are not enough, nor will we ever succeed.
I have worked with many people who don’t even realise that this internal dialogue is there, they accept it as who they are, not ever questioning that self-belief. But here is some things we know about failure:
- Adults learn best from making mistakes.
- When you are learning something new or you want to improve, you need to give yourself space to fail and try again.
- The biggest factor in success in any endeavour is persistence.
Learning to be compassionate with ourselves when we fail is an important skill, it challenges some of the thoughts, ideas and beliefs we have about ourselves. Ultimately compassion will help you to talk to yourself in a new way, to foster a better, more supportive relationship with yourself.
It’s not what happens to us that matters, it is how we work through it and how it affects our relationship with our sense of Self that matters. If you would like to explore this further please get in touch. firstname.lastname@example.org